Always there..

Today I just find out that I'm surrounding by angels. I really mean it, angels. I know that during these times they're always there for me, whether I notice it or not.

Now I'm feeling so ashame because recently I think that few of them are way too busy we can't share our stories. I was wrong. I was completely wrong. The fact is they are always there; I'm the one who wasn't there. And it slaps me. More over, they think about me, my feelings, my doubt. They considered it all for me, to the smallest part.

The fact is, they knew about it from the beginning, even before I knew. They knew the real fact, while I only knew the rumours. Not that I regret that I'm the last one to know, it's just that it hits me..again.

And they hide it from me.

The first thing popped in my mind is: 'How could you guys?? I can't believe you didn't tell me on the first place.. How could you be so mean?..' and so on, and so on.

Ternyata?

It's a super-sensitive things that they afraid I would be broken -- really broken -- if they tell me the truth right away back then. They were so afraid it would hurt my feelings very much. At one point they wanted to tell me -- for my good sake -- but in the meantime, for my own good, they didn't want to tell. Either way, it would change my whole life. And they were really considering it. At the end they decided not to tell, hoping that I would really think about it. If I decide to fight, they will support; the same thing if I decide to leave. Mereka mendukung gue jauh sebelum gue tahu. Tanpa gue sadari samasekali.

They encouraged me (back then I would say they forced me) to take the step soon.. Whether I would fight or not. At that time, I angrily thought that the status was on me and him to decide, but now I know that they were encouraging me to decide so I can move on with my life, jalan manapun yang gue ambil. Pertimbangannya, jika setelah menjalani waktu lama and I decide to keep fighting, it would be good (which is now I'm in a happily and blessed relationship with this person), thanks to God. Lah kalo sebaliknya? Setelah nunggu lama2 ternyata malah 'bubar'? They knew I would be more than broken.

Jadi kenapa akhir2 ini gue ragu atas mereka?

God gives me them, friends which I really can count on. They're blessing. They're angels. I believe that God speaks to me through them. God appoints them to be my friends. To surround me. Bukan sekedar kebetulan.

Gue semakin yakin bahwa Dia yang menentukan semua waktunya. He holds the time, He planned it amazingly perfect, dan tidak sembarangan Dia menjatuhkan waktu. He gave me time so He can prepare me to face and hear the truth, dan temen2 gue ini adalah salah satu caraNya memperkuat kenyataan itu.